Ever since our recent editorial column on lethargic perambulators, we've received a wave of interest in the Mysterious Robot, lightly mentioned and cryptically photographed therein.Many readers and subscribers have called in asking about the particulars of this peculiar being. Where did he come from? How many has he killed? What are his demands? Does he no any good places to chill?
Others have called in to tell their own stories. Sightings of the being have been reported from all over the nation, ranging from Norther Maryland to... Southern Maryland. Though many of these reports are unconfirmed, the story has swept up the masses, and we here at JNS feel it our moral obligation to investigate to fullest extent.
Joe "Jibbler" Johnson, 58, of Montgomery County told our staff that while hunting for stumps, he "stumbled on into yon clearing to see a big ol' whalloper, half a story high, an' fifty fathoms deep. 'E 'ad a big ol' timber hat, and sung an ode to the baked stars".
Stimy Stetson, a local vagrant, claimed to have slept with the robot on a variety of trips to the sporting goods stores. "He, uh... [incomprehensible drunken gurgling] and did some kind of superbowl dance".
In the meanwhiletimes, photographic evidence has been harder to come by, yet some questionable photographs have already surfaced. Seen below is a collection of materials supplied by multiple purported viewers - a word of caution; some of these images may be disturbing:
If you have any information on any robotic sighting of late, or would like to report a sighting yourself, e-mail us at bestsodaever@gmail.com
Photographic evidence preferred; please know, copies of "Paradise Lost" sent to us will be returned. So stop sending them. Cool, thanks.
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