Evil Humans Kill Geese

155 Humans seen leaving the crime scene.


NEW YORK, Jan. 16 -- Quackers McQuack was just a goose like any other, taking off for his morning flight. McQuack and four other geese would not make it to their destination that faithful morning however.

The bodies of McQuack and two other geese were discovered in the Hudson River disfigured, almost beyond recognition. The bodies of the other two were not found and are still missing. This violent attack on geese by Homo sapiens, now being called the "Hudson River Massacre" has created outrage throughout the goose community.


"We will no longer stand idly by as these Homos continue to murder our people, one by one," said Harvey Goosestein as he took a shit on a local soccer field. "These Homos have always been trouble."


Some Geese have begun to arm themselves and are calling for the death of the man responsible for the gruesome attacks, veteran pilot Chelsey B. Sullenberger III.

A memorial service will be held for the Hudson 5 this Sunday and will most likely wake you up with their fucking quacking or whatever it is that they do.