Death Metal Grunge Apocalypse - The Red Panda

I believe it was the Death Metal band, All Shall Perish that said, “My ever-waking contempt for our sick way of life steals from me any last hope for us as a species.” Perhaps they would have had a different opinion if they were an Ailurus fulgens otherwise known as the Red Panda. The small mammal, slightly larger than a house cat, lives in the Himalayas in Bhutan, southern China, India, Laos, Nepal, and Burma. When asked whether or not the Red Panda enjoyed living in Asia one responded, “It’s great. It’s like the best thing ever. We eat Chinese food everyday and watch Kung Fu. Everyone’s nice here because we are so cute and fluffy.” “And red like communism,” another Panda quickly added. Although this adorable, furry animal resembles a raccoon and shares the name “panda” with the Giant Panda, it is, in fact, not related to either. The Red Panda belongs to its own independent family, Ailuridae. Like the Giant Panda, the Red Panda feeds mostly on bamboo and has a false thumb that is an extension of the wrist bone. Currently, it is the mating season for the usually solitary Red Pandas. The season spans from late December to the middle of February. We’ve gone to a Red Panda on-line dating service to find out what the average Red Panda female is looking for in a mate. Furryfox182 is looking for “An adorable fluffy male, with a long tail and black eyes” she likes “late night bamboo munching and long walks in the mountains.” Sadly, the charming Red Panda is classified as an endangered species. No reliable numbers exist for the total population but it is very threatened due to the fragmentation of its natural habitats, their small numbers, and their food specialization needs. All Shall Perish may say that, “As a species lost [they] watch us dig our grave our own fucking grave.” However, it is the Red Panda’s grave that we are actually digging. Ending with a ray of sunshine, this has been Death Metal Grunge Apocalypse.