First of all, I don’t condone the use of the word “retard.” I don’t like it when people use that word and I don’t want any of you using. I can use it though. My dog is retarded so its O.K. if I use it. Moving on.Right now, I’m sitting in Chemistry class with my laptop. Why do I have my laptop? Well its because this class is retarded and I’d rather get ADD by stumbling 100 times a minute. Unfortunately, Beeghly building was designed so that no wifi can travel within its walls. So, here I am, semi-listening to the lecture. It was here that I discovered two things: 1) without the internet, my laptop is a $600 video game console that only plays solitaire, 2) my chemistry class is made up of 50% retards, 49% retarded monkeys, and 1% me.
The first guy I heard when I pulled away from the solitaire for a few seconds was what looked to be like some very sad man sitting at about the second row. I think he was trying to answer a question but unless the question was “what’s the most annoying thing you can say when answering a question*” he just looked as if he was asked to explain the meaning of life. Next time, please keep your fucking hand down or I will staple it.
The most boring part of this retarded class (and my favorite) is near the end when the professor decides to hand out a worksheet and have the entire class do it together. I don't do it; I just watch everyone else do it. I look at her just standing there, staring at her retarded students working intently trying to solve a simple proportion problem. Its pretty much silent for 5 minutes with a few brave people now and then blurting out an amazingly wrong answer. Holy shit, when the professor stated "Don't forget to balance the equation," I shit you now, people said out loud "oooooooooooooohh!" Did these people go to high school? Did they fucking fall off the short bus while it was driving past campus and wandered into this class?
*The most annoying thing you can do while answer a question is say "um" in between every word. Using "like" is second.
Glorious. I hope I am a retarded monkey.
ReplyDeleteThis is fantastic, sir.
ReplyDeletefunny, yet very true. what about the few of us who science in high school was retarded, and are struggling to understand college chemistry basics? my high school science classes involved NO LABS, and my finals in (high school) chemistry and biology, were OPEN BOOK (wtf). Is it any wonder that so many more people are picking english as a major? or art history?
ReplyDeleteYou're a fucking douche
ReplyDeleteI own you.
ReplyDeleteWHATS UP GUYS :DD
ReplyDeleteWell, if you are so smart, why are you in that class?
ReplyDeleteMust be nice to be OH-SO-SMART to make fun of us who struggle to understand to the point of panic. F U.
ReplyDeleteThrough studying the first semeste of chemical engineering, I have come to the undoubtable conclusion that anyone know understands it properly is retarded. There is no logic to it. They teach you equations & the steps to find something, but the steps can't be used progressively through to any other solutions.
ReplyDeleteMass flow rate = molecular weight x molar flow rate.
Average molecular weight from mass fractions = 1/(mass_fractionA/molecular weightA + mass_fractionB/molecular weightB)
Solution is 97%massA. Dilution to 93%mass with more of B.
Mass flow rateA should be average molecular weight x molar flow rate x 0.97
Mass flow rate of 93% mass solution should be mass flow rateA/0.93
Yet it's not? WTF?
Edit: *Semester
DeleteEdit 2: *Who, not *know.
DeleteAfter getting results for the assignment, I find that I was in fact correct. A victory for logic! Was dumb lecturers that were confusing things.
Delete