My Retarded Chemistry Class is full of Retards

First of all, I don’t condone the use of the word “retard.” I don’t like it when people use that word and I don’t want any of you using. I can use it though. My dog is retarded so its O.K. if I use it. Moving on.
Right now, I’m sitting in Chemistry class with my laptop. Why do I have my laptop? Well its because this class is retarded and I’d rather get ADD by stumbling 100 times a minute. Unfortunately, Beeghly building was designed so that no wifi can travel within its walls. So, here I am, semi-listening to the lecture. It was here that I discovered two things: 1) without the internet, my laptop is a $600 video game console that only plays solitaire, 2) my chemistry class is made up of 50% retards, 49% retarded monkeys, and 1% me.
The first guy I heard when I pulled away from the solitaire for a few seconds was what looked to be like some very sad man sitting at about the second row. I think he was trying to answer a question but unless the question was “what’s the most annoying thing you can say when answering a question*” he just looked as if he was asked to explain the meaning of life. Next time, please keep your fucking hand down or I will staple it.

The most boring part of this retarded class (and my favorite) is near the end when the professor decides to hand out a worksheet and have the entire class do it together. I don't do it; I just watch everyone else do it. I look at her just standing there, staring at her retarded students working intently trying to solve a simple proportion problem. Its pretty much silent for 5 minutes with a few brave people now and then blurting out an amazingly wrong answer. Holy shit, when the professor stated "Don't forget to balance the equation," I shit you now, people said out loud "oooooooooooooohh!" Did these people go to high school? Did they fucking fall off the short bus while it was driving past campus and wandered into this class?


*The most annoying thing you can do while answer a question is say "um" in between every word. Using "like" is second.

Jibbles n' Shit Writer Wins Sweepstakes

Considering quitting my day job.

I don't know if people have heard but I recently won some money. And by some, I mean more than you can imagine. That's just how my life goes, you know. One day, i'm sitting on my ass thinking "my life can't get any better can it?" Then raptor Jesus comes down from his golden throne to give me the almighty high five followed by The Holy Spirit. In this case, The Holy Spirit is in the form of a $25 gift certificate.

What's that you say? $25 dollars isn't that much? That must be the jealousy talking becasuse, I assure you, $25 is quite a bit of money. Some people don't even know how many quarters there are in $20, let alone in 25 bones.

Now that we established that 25 smackaroos is a lot of money, its time to set some boundaries. First of all, simply because I am rich now does not mean that I will work for free (Max). I still need a steady income. Hell, I could use a raise as an incentive to keep writing for this dirt poor blog. Secondly, if you were not my friend before God blessed me with his $25 of love you will not be my friend now. Alternatively, I will not be buying anyone's friendship. I worked too hard for my money to give it away just for some attention from poor people like yourselves.

Thirdly, and most importantly, this sudden inheritance of money from Jesus may make me better than you but we're still family :)

Let me explain:

Me.................................................... You

Me.................................................... You

Me................................................You

Me......................................You

Me ............................................. You

Actually, that last one is just bad.